when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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