that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
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