You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
