I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
