booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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