Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
