he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
