I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
