Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You are the jesus of drinking
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
