Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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