Redeem this text for a blowjob
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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