She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
