checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Randomize
