Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
