Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
