Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
