so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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