I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
As shirtless as possible
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
