haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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