Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
