from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Randomize
