I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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