I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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