So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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