chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
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