I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
