he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
My life is pants optional.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
