Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
