I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
