I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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