I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
