he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
