I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I love you. Go after that dick
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
