I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
