Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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