Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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