if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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