Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
