benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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