i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
its not stalking. its research.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
