let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
