Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
