how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
