I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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