Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
