I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
