Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
