I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
