Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I didn't notice because vodka
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
