She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
